Argue as if you are right; listen as if you're wrong
- Karl Weick
It's hard for any leader to balance is their confidence, it's one of the hardest things for a new manager. You have been promoted, you have been validated, you are driving results and now, you are in charge.
People gravitate to those with confidence. We look for people that are sure of themselves and what they are doing; your team will not move forward if they don't see this in you. The important thing however, is not make sure you are balancing your confidence, with humbleness.
Being humble makes you more accessible. It makes your team trust you and gives them the comfort and security to bring up new ideas or to let you know that there is something that they don't feel right about. The ability to be vulnerable with your team, to let them know that you will make mistakes, but that you take what you learn, reapply it with a goal to make better decisions is powerful.
There are a few ways that you can create the right balance so that you are able to effectively make decisions while getting your team's buy in.
First, read the quote at the top for a second time. Confident in your argument or position is important. It allows you to effectively share why you feel a certain decision is the right one. You are willing to explain and lay out your thinking for your team to see.
Listen as if you are wrong. Extremely powerful. A massive mistake that you will want to avoid in your career is falling into situations where you can't see past your own thinking and biases.
Second, don't fall on your sword because you are technically right. A lesson I learned early in my career, some battles aren't worth the win.
Be disciplined with yourself and don't get preoccupied with always being right. New managers are especially at risk for this. We equate being right and having an answer equal to being a good leader. Wrong. There are a lot of times you may be technically right, be careful with these. You are not a lawyer trying to get your client off at all costs, you are leading a team and shattering someone's confidence or making them see you as someone who is arrogant and won't listen is never a benefit.
Lastly, don't keep score. People may frame this as extending an olive branch or splitting the difference; as Chris Voss says "Never split the difference" - typically this means everyone is losing.
The risk that you open yourself up to when you are keeping score is that you may start avoiding conflict, you may stop making certain decisions because you are trying to keep things 'balanced'. You have to be confident in your why so that you can protect and defend it without defending it solely on principal.
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